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03 Apr 2026 18:14:18
Anyway, here’s my Easter joke. If you are a good Catholic, scroll past. If you are a lapsed Catholic, like me, read on...
So, a coach load of nuns out on an Easter trip crashes and explodes, killing all onboard. A few seconds later, St Peter is sitting quietly by the Pearly Gates when the surprised and deceased nuns turn up, seeking admission to Heaven.
St Peter orders them all to line up and calls the first one forward.
“Sister Margaret, have you any sins to confess before you are allowed in?” he asks.
“Well,” she says. “I did once think about a man’s private parts.”
St Peter says, “As you only thought about them, sprinkle your forehead with Holy Water and you are absolved of your sins,” which she does and enters unto Heaven.
St Peter asks the same question of the next nun in line, and Sister Anne says, “I did once see a man’s private parts.” Slightly discomfited, St Peter tells her, as she has only seen a man’s private parts, to wash her eyes with Holy Water and thereby cleanse herself of her sin.
Which she does and enters into Heaven.
The next nun, Sister Ellen, is asked the same question. “Well, I confess that I did once touch a man’s private parts.”
Shocked, St Peter says, “Well, that’s more serious. However, as you only touched a man’s private parts, you may wash your hands thoroughly in Holy Water to cleanse your sins,” which she does and enters into Heaven.
Suddenly there is a commotion in the queue and Sister Tracey bustles forward to the front.
St Peter says, “What is it, Sister Tracey?”
Sister Tracey says, “I wonder if I can gargle the Holy Water before Sister Sharon has to wash her ar”e in it?” 😂😂😂😂.
03 Apr 2026 20:30:23
I'm non practising!!!
Very funny!!!
03 Apr 2026 22:55:48
🤣🤣 ty Stokey needed that.
03 Apr 2026 23:39:00
As always, Stokey.
03 Apr 2026 09:31:33
All this tapping up and blatant attempts to unsettle key players at an important stage of the season is totally unprofessional and must stop.
Morgan Roger’s is the latest to say he’s open to leave Villa for quote a big club.
Villa are a big club 4th in the league and like us in with a chance of winning the Europa League.
Take a tip from Grealish, he went to City and bitterly regretted it from a playing point of view.
03 Apr 2026 14:11:48
Just watched "Murillo, A Day in the Life Of"...
What a truly humble, grateful, and appreciative human being he is.
Adores his wife and daughter, his English is incredible too.
Always has a smile, and a really nice way about him.
If he does leave us, I for one certainly wouldn't hold it against him. Well done on what you have achieved with us so far, mate, we are so lucky to have not only a player, but someone like him!!!
03 Apr 2026 14:19:31
Top player, I hope we can keep him next season. If we win the Europa League, I think we can.
03 Apr 2026 15:12:12
Be brilliant if we could mate...
03 Apr 2026 15:14:28
If he leaves, he'll be a Judas, just like Elanga & Johnson, who were both dragged from nowhere & failing careers, and brought back to the limelight. That's gratitude for ya.
03 Apr 2026 15:50:08
Not biting Larry, not today!
03 Apr 2026 16:58:15
Speaking of judas got one of my top 3 x films on today. As it's good Friday. Life of brian. Could almost tell ya word for word. Btw I'm up for stoning end of season.
03 Apr 2026 17:13:19
Infantile comment from an infantile mind
03 Apr 2026 18:06:02
Erm only a film, Munmad? You wanna heckle some sheckles?
03 Apr 2026 18:23:01
Oops, haggle.
03 Apr 2026 18:48:12
Every scene stands up as a classic.
What have the Romans ever done for us?......
03 Apr 2026 18:57:16
Welease Bwian. 🤣🤣🤣
03 Apr 2026 19:16:01
Class mate!
Michael Palin has the same birthday as us too!
You probably know that!
03 Apr 2026 20:04:03
Come on Coventry!!!!!
03 Apr 2026 20:07:40
What about "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" in the brilliant Crucifixion scene at the end! The best sentiment to live your life by. You can see why it's a funeral favourite!
"When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle"...
"What have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
You're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!"
😂😂😂😂
03 Apr 2026 19:02:52
I'm brian and so is my wife, sorry eds last one 👍
03 Apr 2026 21:44:02
Free Woderick. 🤣
03 Apr 2026 22:45:22
I actually didn't know that the diamond. 👍
02 Apr 2026 20:08:01
Looking at the ticket prices for the upcoming World Cup, it's an absolute joke. Who in their right mind would pay 11k for a seat at the final? Even if I was a millionaire I wouldn't even consider that. Talk about sucking the heart out of the joy for supporters.
I really hope it comes back to bite them in the backside and the stadiums are empty. Also read somewhere that parking fees for the games are upward of 750 squid. 🌳
02 Apr 2026 20:42:38
It won't come back to bite them.
03 Apr 2026 14:21:13
Like to elaborate, Ff? I'd like to read your take on it.
03 Apr 2026 15:15:37
Hartlepool wages won't get you there that's a fact. 😂
03 Apr 2026 16:09:51
I know balloons, i'm considering packing up and getting a job down in skegs, do you think they have room for another stall on the seafront? Talking of stools how are you? 🌳
03 Apr 2026 17:04:42
You would never get past passport control. 😆
03 Apr 2026 19:55:41
Very funny, RedRobin.
🤣
02 Apr 2026 10:24:54
My take on the final league positions at the end of the season.
15. Forest.
16. Leeds.
17. West Ham.
18. Spurs.
19. Wolves.
20. Burnley.
02 Apr 2026 14:24:44
Please munmad, you and DTP are banned from Crystal ball predictions until the season is up, if you can't select our strongest 11 from 11 players we don't need a double curse from you and the pub dweller. 🧙 🌳
02 Apr 2026 17:58:08
It's the belief, as I keep saying. They really have to believe in each other. From owner down. Club built on hardships, football as a whole, tears my heart out. Just so many wrongdoings.
But FTID. I know, repetitive. But, just saying. The last game, Reds, just gives me breathing without so many pills. Ok ok, bring it on myself. But if I go, I blame the lot of ya and dodgy management xxx.
02 Apr 2026 18:09:55
Obviously off the cuff. Stop putting a bet out. 🤣
02 Apr 2026 19:45:37
For what it's worth, my prediction is that three sides will go down and the games will be played on grass. I say grass, it's some highbred abomination these days. 🌳
02 Apr 2026 20:46:21
Two are already down winter, unless you still believe in fairies?
02 Apr 2026 23:04:24
A garden gnome asking if I believe in fairies? 🤣🌳
02 Apr 2026 23:19:32
A Cornish gnome asking the question. 😁🤣🤣
03 Apr 2026 00:32:43
They are pixies, not gnomes, at least get it right. 😔🌳
02 Apr 2026 09:45:47
“April is the cruelest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain……”
T. S. Eliot from “The Wasteland”
“Whan that Aprill with his shoures soote
The droghte of March hath perced to the roote”
When April with its sweet showers
Has pierced the drought of March to the root….
The Prologue to the Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer…
So will April be cruel and dull to us or sweet comrades? One thing is certain, there will be 7 cup finals with lots of twists and turns.
Will Spurs' change of manager stir some dull roots? Will Nuno bring desire to succeed at the Hammers? Will our stirring win over Tottenham become just a memory?
All to play for and this won’t be straight forward. But I’m confident we will escape from the Wasteland which relegation will condemn us to…. COYR.!
02 Apr 2026 10:49:35
Am I hearing plaintive cries from Nottingham, paraphrasing Browning: "Oh to be in Bridgford/now that Vitor's here"?
Maybe not yet, but be confident!!
02 Apr 2026 12:48:53
You certainly are hearing it from Staffordshire Norfolk. Browning wrote "Home Thoughts from Abroad" whilst he was living in Italy. I know where I'd rather be, even though they didn't qualify for the World Cup (again). 😁😁
02 Apr 2026 18:46:12
T.S. Eliot is an anagram for Toilets.
02 Apr 2026 20:47:56
Bog off.
02 Apr 2026 08:35:43
Looking at the news yesterday, it would appear that Chelski have a magician as an accountant! Assists being moved around and sold to holding companies that are still part of Chelski! Over £250m in losses in a 12 month period??? £50m plus paid to agents??? lol Smaller clubs beware!!
02 Apr 2026 09:27:41
They even managed to sell their women's football team for £20 million to themselves, Redtree. Much like Derby selling their own stadium to themselves...... and that's magic. 🪄🪄🪄
Difference being, Derby are a small club and got hammered, Chelsea less so. I await the Man City verdict with waning interest.....
02 Apr 2026 10:08:20
Don't think the powers that be will do anything. The problem is it's taking too long to announce it, get it out and deal with it. Either way, there will be appeals and lawsuits. Flying around, they are scared, and probably will pop it out just before the World Cup has a distraction. 🌍☕🤡
02 Apr 2026 10:51:42
I believe they are going to make an announcement at the end of the season concerning City. According to the Daily Mail, it is a 60 point deduction and all the appeals have been heard and dismissed. But then, what do papers know. If true, we wouldn't have to worry about relegation.
02 Apr 2026 11:41:27
It's wait and see, but if Chelsea are anything to go by, it won't be that harsh, although City have failed to cooperate by all accounts, which so goes against them.
02 Apr 2026 13:28:44
Strange how Pep is talking about leaving along with Harland, don't want relegation on their cv.
02 Apr 2026 15:12:26
If the Daily Mail say it, it must be true! A waste of brain cells just looking at their headlines, and if they're right, why wait? Arsenal have won the league, and they can go down with the bottom 2. Make it so, as Picard would say. 🤡 🤡
02 Apr 2026 16:21:05
Better read than the red tops, I understand that there are lots of pictures in those papers.
02 Apr 2026 17:37:14
Don't read any papers anymore, save the trees. 🌍🌍🌍
02 Apr 2026 18:31:00
That's very noble of you, jester. I'm echo terrorist for my sins. I don't believe a word that the climate zealots say. But, ha ho, everyone is free to have an opinion. Time will tell.
02 Apr 2026 18:54:46
After 20 plus years underground, I started my own gardening business, so nature and planting trees, etc., all help, plus I got paid for it. 🌍🤡
02 Apr 2026 19:09:51
That is a career change! But good on you for taking a leap forward, it must have been difficult, and I'm glad it worked out for you. My wife loves the garden, but I'm more at home in the workshop, fabricating and welding iron works for her garden.
02 Apr 2026 20:54:14
So, you like making corsets? 😁🤣
02 Apr 2026 21:15:29
Did that during my apprenticeship I had 2 years with the Blacksmiths although it wasn't always gates it was guards and pit pony shoes 😂🤡
02 Apr 2026 22:12:03
Did a five year apprenticeship in a heavy engineering factory in Lowdham as a plater welder, then went to the Middle East to work. Happy days, but no health and safety back then. Now my lungs are screwed.
03 Apr 2026 07:04:12
Ditto, plus ticker screwed, but in my 70s and a nice garden to potter around. Bliss. 🤡
03 Apr 2026 09:17:33
An industry that is almost entirely gone, just like the pits, absolute disgrace. It's all very well politicians saying they will open industry back up again, but who's left to train them.
01 Apr 2026 12:03:36
I see that Danilo, former Forest player, scored for Brazil yesterday. It looked a cracker into the top corner!
As for former defenders, let's put Viv Anderson in the mix. Brilliant full back, fast, mainly due to his long legs!
01 Apr 2026 16:14:44
Somehow Danilo just didn't fit. He had other midfielders around him, too similar in what they could do.
01 Apr 2026 20:24:34
Thought he was decent, but the severe injury really had a massive impact on him.
01 Apr 2026 07:39:13
{Ed's Note - Shappy has posted a new article entitled, United's Manager Choice: Upgrade or Trust Carrick?
31 Mar 2026 20:41:41
Stokey, your post about Bobby Moore being the best ball playing central defender in the world in his era, I think Franz Beckenbauer (who played sweeper a lot) might have something to say about that. I always thought Moore was a bit overrated, but holding the Jules Rimet over your head is bound to inflate your legacy a bit I suppose. Fair play to him.
31 Mar 2026 22:25:24
Bobby Moore and Martin Peters were ahead of their time when it comes to English players.
Beckenhanbour was pure class, but played in a new system which the world of football wasn't used to.
01 Apr 2026 09:01:07
Forest are going down!!!
April Fool!!!!
🤣🤣🤣
01 Apr 2026 11:24:05
Not saying that he was as good as Beckenbauer, but the best CB I ever saw play live was Ruud Gullit, oozed class, strong and a proper ball player. Back in the late 90s, when I was still at school, my best mate and I had a list of players/teams that we wanted to watch live. Growing up on a staple of Football Italia, Gianfranco Zola and Gianluca Vialli were top of that list, along with Fabrizio Ravanelli.
Paid through the teeth to get a ticket at Stamford Bridge to watch Barcelona a few years later, so I could see Ronaldinho. In 2017, I was lucky enough to be working in the events industry and bagged a ticket for the Champions League final in Cardiff. Real blew Juve away. Lol, how Italian football has fallen. 🌳
01 Apr 2026 17:31:38
Fair point, Stevie. "Der Kaiser" played a lot of his football as a midfielder, but he was 3 players in one, wasn't he? A centre back (usually sweeper or libero), defensive midfielder, or further forward. Effortlessly in all cases, and versatile.
I think Bobby Moore's lack of mobility prevented him from going far beyond the halfway line.
Anyway, his managers, particularly Sir Alf, were conservative and shrewd enough to recognise this limitation.
But, as a pure sweeper and instigator of attacks, having won possession, he was peerless imo.
31 Mar 2026 20:21:01
Anyone else watching this England bore fest? We're playing without a forward line.
At least Anderson is getting stuck in but my days, it's poor.
31 Mar 2026 20:41:47
Again it's dire. 💤🌳
31 Mar 2026 21:17:10
I just wasted 10 minutes of my life watching that garbage. Plenty of sunbathing this summer, me thinks. Wife will be happy.
31 Mar 2026 22:15:13
Went up the local with missus to get away from it and had a good time instead.
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